Yep, I’ve officially become my Mother. Ugh.

I have officially become my mother.

UMPH! It’s like a sucker punch to the gut just saying that. Painful.

Before I begin, let’s get a few things straight. 1) I love my mother 2) I am really, honestly nothing like my mother (as long as you don’t count the snarky sense of humor) and 3) I don’t really think my mother reads my blogs since I’m no longer on a major metropolitan newspaper site so…

Anyhoo, as I was saying. I’ve just turned into my mother. And, while I can’t believe I’d reach such a low, it was quite eye-opening to be lumped into the same category with my mom. That “you just embarrassed me, now go away while I shrivel up and die” category. Unfortunately, I’m not quite sure how I got there.

My mom (who hated to be called Mother) got there with years of practice. She must have started when I was a toddler because I can’t actually remember a cringe-free moment. When you look on the bright side, with her wit and free abandon she helped to raise two fiercely independent, clever girls. Yet, we learned how to cower when she’d let a zinger fly (or just looked for a good deal).

I’ve spent the past eleven years trying to be the complete opposite of my mother (and apparently I haven’t had much success). I’ve tempered my tongue on at least a thousand occasions. I’ve tried to only constructively criticize as I want Rosie to have high self-esteem. And, I’ve even learned to laugh without showing a single facial expression or making any noise so my child has no clue that I might possibly be chuckling at her.

None of this has worked.

It’s clear that we’ve arrived at soon-to-be eleven- the age of embarrassment. And, that there’s nothing I can do to stop (it or me). I’m now shaming my child even when I’m careful about what I’m saying and to whom. And, it happens on a daily basis (and she doesn’t even read what I write. God forbid she goes back later to read it all and…. I just can’t even go there).

Yep, I have officially turned into my mother. And, now that I’ve hit my child’s eye-rolling, sassy back-talking phase, I think I’m starting to look at my mom in a different light. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe she didn’t REALLY try to embarrass me.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? Sometimes she still does. (I love you Mom!)

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On Turning Eleven

Often when I look at my child, I wonder who she will be (not to be confused with what she’ll be which is a completely different topic. This week, she plans to be a Neogentologist. And, yes, we know she made up the word, but the thought behind it’s amazing).

I am still in awe that my husband and I made the magic behind this beautiful, graceful and creative child. Especially since I was not Mommy material. I never played with dolls or imagined having a child of my own. I wanted a career. And, somewhere in the middle of my plans, I decided I had a higher calling in life as a mother. What a blessing its been.

So, I often gaze at my child lovingly. And sometimes I squint. And, I can’t help but wonder who she’ll wind up to be as I didn’t seem to turn out quite like I planned.

And, if I squinch my eyes together real tight, and use my imagination, I get a tiny glimpse.

My Rosie is sweet, sometimes fearless and on a good day is bossy in a way that gets things done. She’s creative, sometimes scatterbrained and has a wicked sense of humor. She’s smart but doesn’t find that to be the most important thing in her life. And, did I forget to mention, she loves to dance?

She is perfectly imperfect and makes me laugh (and all the parts that are like me frustrate me, but I think that’s part of motherhood). I think she’s amazing.

She celebrated her 11th birthday last night (prematurely, I might add as we don’t actually age until September but who can resist a Summer party). Eight very different friends came together to celebrate in a luau-themed sleepover. We had an amazing time. But, this party was different from all the others.

This was the first time that I could see the big girl that my child will become. And, that all her friends are embarking on that journey themselves. While I can see a glimmer of who my Rosie will be, I can also see the future of her friends. And, they’re not all going the same direction. We may soon take different paths.

But what path will you take my sweet Jaiden Rose? Which direction will life take you? Who will you be?

Lots of different people over the course of a lifetime. And, if I had to guess your near future will be filled with pirouettes and eventually an exceptional person will emerge.

What will you be? Who knows? Maybe you’ll take an interest in science. That’s what it takes to be a Neogentologist. Right?

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